If I were you and you were me

this is how it ought to be;





(In my perfect world, anyway)
Courtesy of Bing.com

And you know what else would be in my perfect world?
I'd actually get this Pier 1 Imports job.
Which I feel mighty fine about and I'm sure I'll get it.
The ladies were diggin' me there, I did good on my app,
and compared to Hooters, Sweetbay, and everywhere else I applied,
I feel good about this.
It all just fits so well together.
Jeep, Pier 1, independence.
Missing one thing, and God will hand me that precious prize on a silver platter.
Any day now.

Blood kisses skin/ Heart meets brain

Live for nothing.
Die for something.


Affairs,
they happen.
So I've noticed.

Can't.
Won't.
I don't wanna.

I gotta get out.

Just trying to

get by without this.
New plan.
This one is not working.
This operation has been abandoned.
You fail me.



Life's alright though,really.
Getting things going.
Finally.

I got 99 problems

but a bitch ain't one.





Some guy e-mailed me and has been quote-un-quote following my blog. And God knows for how long. But apparently I fit the criteria for this Blogger site and you get paid for posting on movies, news, hot topics and such. Most probably a scam. Who knows, but if it's not and I get paid "thousands" of dollars for doing something I've been doing and enjoy doing then hot damn I'll take it!
With my luck these days why wouldn't I.
I went ahead and signed up for it anyway. I don't know it can't hurt anything.
Man, I have so much to say, I just can't find the words to describe it all.
Just taking it all in, breathing here and there, pressure washing my heine and hands off. Not being a beach bum, living in Florida which is a drag. I've been so busy tending to the man's needs I don't have time for my own business.
Living to be with you. Living for my Jeep. Living for the moment.
See, all these problems, none of which are a bitch :)

17 never looked so good

Corrupted then, corrupted now.
At least I was innocently corrupted though.
Now I have to pay the consequences that mommy won't get me out of.
I'm restless,tired and feeble, I ache.
I never get restful sleep.
I find myself snapping at the person I love the most.
I'm an angry crab 5 days out of the week.
Something's got to give.
All busted up,man.

Ghost town

Tossing and turning.
And I've been trying to make sense of it all.
You're waking me up.
I can't shake off these sweat dreams.
If you decide to leave forever, promise you'll come back and haunt me.

If blood is thicker than water then,

you'll drown quicker than we intend.

Be your own creature.

1. Stillborn: Your mother didn't want you, but you were still born.

2. "You haven't lost your smile at all, it's right under your nose. You just forgot it was there."

3. I have never "looked up" to anyone, just pushed myself to get what they have.

4. And for that matter, I get more because I don't get even I get ahead.

4. Gotta fortune cookie last night, "A new venture will be a success."

5. I'm starting to believe that I actually have my shit under control.

6. When in reality, I'm Under the Influence, of your love.

7. I'll think of more to cover here.


Been doing all sorts of re-discovering.

Fuck

this.
Taco bell late at night.
They give you ass-wipe worthy "tacos".
Blogging,anymore.
People in general.
This.
And that.
Fuck the worlddddddddddddddd.

But not the free world.

Fuckin ugly duckling.

It's that stage again.
The one where I look like and feel like complete shit, but I don't have enough fuck in me to care.
It's comic relief to know that I almost feel sexy looking like an asshole.
I'm done with putting holes in my body. I'm done with mutilating my body. So to speak.
Hype ain't shit. I just want infinite amounts of ink on me.
Ink that means something, like you.
I think I'm going to go do that.
Ha, and I just love these blemishes that surface to my face.
I feel like a 12 year old boy hitting puberty.
It's almost sexy. Almost.
And the way my body is decaying and shrinking itself like a fucking tempur pedic mattress.
It's intoxicating.
I've become this sex feind,carb whore, yet socially bulimic and deprived little girl.
There's nothing wrong with this.
This just means I'm capable of making it on my own.
In the self-absorbed,technology consumed, 2009 world anyway.
All you're doing is mind fucking yourself.
Mental masturbation.

It's all in the probing.

"High on our chairs, the kitchen counter
I ask you some questions to mother, from daughter
I say, "Why does passion die?
And why do we voluntarily ask for love if it just rolls on by?"
We never talk, you're scared of my probing
but you're older and wiser
so I just keep hoping the truth will come out
I'm ready to hear it all now
Please, tell me 5 things that made you stay
then tell me 5 of your greatest mistakes
I'm feeling doubtful
and I need new faith
that only a mother could give me
that only a daughter could take

At first you lie, it's become second-nature
to protect me from horrible truths that will make you seem
weak and afraid, but I know about the sacrifice you've made
You say, "Darling, it's late,
my mind's become useless,
I'm old and I'm tired, and all of this talking is beyond most;
you'll learn for yourself how life goes...

I'll tell you one thing your dad used to say,
I'll give you one thing I hold to this day
Your father held my hand, he said, 'I know we're not perfect, but I love you,
I love you, anyway...' "

Now I've got some things to make me brave
Now I've got one thing my mom used to say
It isn't quiet science, a far cry from fact,
but she loved me, at least I know that
I love her, and at least she knows that"

I never knew what to make of this.

I just wanted you to think I did.
So then at least one of us was sane.
Now we're both insane and have no limbs.
Limbless lunatics.

Drowning pool.

Introspection.
Thank-you for that.
I reveal myself behind the curtain, the water is trickling out.
I stood naked.
Windows fogged.
Replenished.
The water works started their work. The shower did its' job, now I must do mine.
I glanced down, didn't know if that puddle was from my eyes or the faucet's fault.
Either way.
I never dressed.I collapsed on the bed. The water works started their work again. Full time job I must admit. I looked around me, the imprint of my body pressed into the sheets. I didn't know if the bed was soaked from my dripping body or my eyes doing their job.
Either way.
No matter which way I take this road, there are going to be struggles. It's not getting any easier. I've come to a halt. I'm always going to be swimming. Swimming in my own tears or some other natural disaster. This flood of predicaments I am now drowning in.
I want you and all of you. I have no desire to get married. Not to the contract. Can we remove these strings that attach us to these expectations?


God, it's been so long.
I just want to be wrapped up in you again.
Is this possible.

It's times like these...

where I need to be writing in here.

She got it

Leaving for Florida on the 7th till the 14th.
New changes.
Yeah,I got big plans.
You know it.
But you won't be ready for me.
I'm tellin' you that.
Just wait for it.
One last look at the present me: