Excuse my hiatus

So,you could say I'm not much of a writer these days,yeah?You could say that.But I've been so completely wrapped up in my own world that seems to be on pause and everyone else around me is in standstill motion.I couldn't fully describe this feeling I'm going through at the moment.Even if I tried to make sense of it all,it'd sound silly and ridiculous.That's okay too,because one thing I've been figuring out is,it doesn't matter how immaturely you express your emotions,in some shape or form,there is always somebody that can relate to you.Always.It may not seem like it at the time,but trust me,you'll find that person.I need to get back to the things I love.I can't quite exactly put my finger on it what it is that has been slowly eating at me,making me dreary and not the "so full of life" me I once was.I can't quite nourish the fact there is still pain inside from you.And everything I've gone through this past year with you and myself,shit,with EVERYTHING.I was never(And,I'll admit,I'm still not) over you.I'm just learning to deal and cope with it day to day.I still miss you more than you can fathom.Every night I pray that I won't dread a prolonging emptiness in my heart over you.I hate myself for failing you.Or so,I feel I didn't accomplish you the way I'd hope.I've always had high standards for making someone happy.Never myself.You made me happy,did you know that?I'm sure you did.I feel like a broken record.Just waiting for someone to put me back on play and get me back on track instead of instant rewind that repeats itself and every minor detail of a tragedy.I won't lie though,I'm feeling a distance from certain people,things.It's making me feel some what more human and not as much of a bad person than I thought I was.I can't wait for the new year to come.I swear,I'm making the most of it.I will feel worthy enough to be granted some kind of appraisal.So,don't leave,sing me something to sleep and don't you dare wake me up <3